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Questions You Should Ask Yourself and Your Spouse Before Deciding to Divorce

Questions You Should Ask Yourself and Your Spouse Before Deciding to Divorce

Divorce is a painful experience, and it should never be taken lightly. The process is heartbreaking and requires you to be willing to work through your emotions and decide whether divorce is the right decision for you. Here are 15 questions you should ask yourself and your spouse before making a final decision.

Unhappy couples have an interaction ratio of 20:1

John Gottman, a marriage expert, has been studying the habits of successful and unhappy couples. He found that the number of positive interactions in a relationship is critical to maintaining it and avoiding divorce. The ideal number for positive interactions is five to one. By contrast, unhappiness in a relationship is associated with a ratio of five negative interactions for every one positive interaction.

Research by the Gottman Institute has shown that couples who are unhappy engage in fewer positive interactions with their partners than happy couples. Couples with a negative interaction ratio of 20:1 are more likely to divorce. This is because negative interactions have more power to harm a relationship than positive ones. Conversely, positive interactions bring two people closer together.

In addition to these factors, the presence of a negative start-up by the wife and a lack of de-escalation of negative wife affect by the husband are also important predictors of divorce. Furthermore, the absence of physiological soothing by the husband can also help predict divorce. Among stable couples, the balance between negative and positive affect can predict the likelihood of divorce with 83% accuracy.

Conflicted couples hate their spouses

Feelings of hatred for your spouse often pass quickly, but if the feelings persist, they may be an indication of a deeper problem. The first step in dealing with feelings of hate is to seek professional help. Feelings of anger and resentment are common results of feeling trapped in a relationship. Talking through the problems can help you decide if you want to try to fix the relationship or divorce it.

Often, the issue is communication. A couple that is constantly fighting with their spouse is unlikely to make any progress towards repairing the relationship. This is because men and women are socialized to communicate in different ways. While women are more likely to talk out their frustrations and concerns, men tend to shut down and hide their feelings. This pattern of behavior is known as stonewalling.

Conflicted couples cannot accept uncertainty

There are many factors that should be considered before a couple decides to divorce. One factor is the mindset of the moving party. If a woman feels guilty, she is much more likely to resent her husband in the future. Similarly, a man who is ashamed of being in a relationship will likely feel resentment later.

Leaving a marriage without working out underlying problems is not an effective way to improve one’s happiness. It will only lead to further frustration, pain, and unhappiness. The divorced spouse may suffer from deep loneliness, alienation, and anguish. They may even become alcoholics or drug-dependents or psychiatric patients. They may also lose their capacity to be a good parent to their children and suffer further emotional and physical problems.

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